Week 4 Story
Jesus in School
It was early in the day when a schoolteacher asked Joseph if he had a son. Joseph replied he had a son of 6 years and the schoolteacher replied asking why he had never seen his son in school. Joseph had never thought about sending Jesus to school. He had always been a different sort of child. After his wife had given birth without conceiving the boy had always displayed strange tendencies. School just always seemed out of reach, a normal boy’s path. But not the path for his son.
“But why not?” Joseph wondered to himself. Joseph agreed to send Jesus to school the next day.
Upon arrival, Jesus joined the other children as they began to sing a song of numbers. The goal of the exercise was to teach the children how to count to 10 one number at a time. Jesus refused to participate though.
“Jesus, you must participate in the activities! You need to learn your numbers” explained the schoolteacher. Jesus replied “teacher I can tell you this room is 45 feet in length and 25 feet in width. I can tell you that the average family in Bethlehem will give birth to 5.5 children, but each child has a survival rate of 12%. I could tell you that a man picking 345 berries from his field a day will pick 2,415 berries a week and 125,580 berries in a year. I could tell you that you have 2,853,334,205 hairs on your head but by the end of the year, you will experience a 52% decrease in hair leading to male pattern baldness due to your advanced age. But here you ask me if I can count to 10. This question is moot.”
The schoolteacher looked back in shock. He began to realize that Jesus had called him old and began to grab his belt to swing at Jesus. Jesus looked up with a smile on his face and watched as the man slowly turned to dust. The belt falling with a hard thunk on the floor. Then Jesus turned to his fellow classmates.
“Go and tell everyone of what you saw. Tell them to fear Jesus of Nazareth. Tell them their world is now mine, and any who would stand in my way will face the same fate as this schoolteacher.” Jesus said Thus beginning the only successful conquest of the planet. Thus, began the end of the human race.
Authors Note:
I sort of combined my two ides i had for this passage. There was mention in one of the texts taht Mary had tempted God. This isnt possible so i figured what if the angel only said it was God. What if it was really a devil in desguise? After I got that far i figured lets use the same premis of jesus blowing away the teachers in school but this time, he meant to hurt them. Now i konw this is a sensetive subject but i guess in my verson Jeusus is a demon.
Oh oh oh, this is so cool, Kev: I loved the part about the billions of hairs on the head, ha ha. Omniscient precision! And verging on the demonic... which is of course the danger that lurks in all the supernatural, everything beyond our control: good luck and bad luck, angels and demons. This makes such a perfect pair with your Satan story: there an angel has gone the wrong way... and now you have shown us a Christ who seems like an anti-Christ at the same time. Very eerie! And as you can tell, I've been obsessing about Sufi stories and Islamic traditions this summer: do you know about the Islamic legends of Jesus? Some of them echo stories from the infancy gospels; the bit about Jesus bringing clay birds to life (that you read out in the reading unit here: The Boy Judas) is actually in the Quran! Here's a Sufi story about Jesus that includes a reference to the birds: Jesus and the Fool (and there's a link there in the note to the Quran passage). So many great legends... I am glad you had a chance to explore these extra-Biblical legends for Weeks 3 and 4!
ReplyDeleteWow when I read the title 'Jesus in School', this was definitely not how I thought it would end. However, I really enjoyed reading it and the ending gave me a good laugh. I like that you still made Jesus to be all-knowing, but with a dark twist. I would love to read more stories similar to this for a entertaining read. Great story and image.
ReplyDelete-Katie H