Week 7 Story
Kevs’ Urashima
Original Source
Upon a quiet eve’ such as this,
I sit and ponder he who sailed the water
His heart of pure set out to sea, what fish might acquire he
O’er the hills of jade-green water to marvel at the strand of gold
Urashima sailed upon such strands, undenounced to he,
This jade-green emerald sat upon, would become a casket for eternity.
O’er the seventh sun thankfully did pray, as such the jade-green casket yield a turtle!
The joy of life filled short again as Urashima recalled his father’s den.
“a tortoise knows what’s right and wrong, for a turtle’s life is very long.
And if you see such a surprise, to love and respect it would be wise”.
Urashima pondered such old words and settled to space his jade-green gift.
For better is death compared to life, if choice is stolen in suns new light?
So Urashima turned to gaze the sun, knowing his last day was soon to come.
Yet this jade-green emerald was not done and as the tortoise fled to be
O’er a new creature began to show, her curves and breast exposed to show
The shape of a woman with eyes of gold.
Urashima glanced in dismay at what befell him that day.
For such a life was ever changed by the next few words he would say.
The fair maiden explained the tortoise was she and for the moral victory
She would allow his hand betrothed as he went to live with her down below.
The plunge into the jade-green emerald began to frighten he
O’er I must apologize, for thao is upmost pretty.
But my heart belongs to one true maiden,
Who lives within the city.
The muse looked upon his face and saw his heart was set.
And for his time, she did award an awfully helpful hand.
She restored his health and hair,
Then brought him to the city.
Urashima lept and jumped with joy at his newfound luck.
He wondered round his would-be town to find it was not so.
And as he turned back to the shore he noticed in the distance
That jade-green mistress in her hand was the one he loved made just as helpless.
Authors Notes:
I tried to follow the somewhat poetic style found in the original while placing my own twist at the end, as usual. I ended up rhyming a lot more than I planned but I think it adds something to the piece. I loved the jade-green imagery and decided to use it to demonstrate the love Urashima had for the water. By picturing it as an emerald I think it demonstrated how he valued the water and that’s why he became a fisherman. He spent his life torn between these two treasures of the sea and the woman on the shore. Eventually, because of the division of his heart, he lost everything.
Oh, I am so glad you chose this story to write about, Kev; it is one of my all-time favorites, and experimenting with verse is always a good way to create something totally new. And that phrase "casket for eternity" is so haunting! You also played with the colors beautifully, green and gold recurring, with both of those colors being so nicely associated with objects too, jade and gold. I also really liked this sense of a whole city under the water. That would make such a cool collection of stories, fairy tales and legends of underwater worlds. People have done mermaid projects for this class, and sea monsters... but now I am thinking how cool a story about underwater kingdoms would be so cool, and the story of Urashimataro would fit in perfectly!
ReplyDeleteYou might want to try doing something like a ballad form later which is a great way to work both with rhyme AND with meter. If you do the Kalevala later on, it has a poetic meter that influenced Longfellow in his choice of meter when he wrote his epic Hiawatha: The Song of Hiawatha (and of course Tolkien was very interested in both poetry and song!)
Kev, I loved reading your story! I think you did a great job retelling the original tale. And props to you for writing in verse. I agree that a ballad might be a great way to incorporate a more consistent meter, but I think your poem works nevertheless. I liked your twist at the end, even though it was very sad. I think the picture you chose to incorporate into your post really tied it all together for me. It was mysterious and had the green-gold motif you described throughout your poem.
ReplyDeleteHi Kev,
ReplyDeleteI have enjoyed reading your stories so far and this one included. I really like the format of it and think that the rhyming although you said it was more than you had intended was very nice. I believe that the rhyming your poem to flow and read easy. I enjoyed your twist at the end and find that it is one of the best ways to change up the original by throwing in your one ideas and making it your own.